2020 NOTE: The rhetoric and viewpoints of “cure” made in the 2014 caption do not reflect my present positionality and opinions about living with madness. For archival purposes, I am choosing to post the following caption originally written in 2014 as an indicator of growth and comparison.
From 2014: HOLY WATER is a cinematic self portrait that represents my utilization of water therapy against my series of mental illnesses and diagnosed high sensitivity. This piece speaks particularly to the birth of my manic depressive state as a bullied and misunderstood high school student, regularly touching upon my developed PTSD (as heard in audio and in some visuals) and my eventual diagnosis of being a Highly Sensitive Person, which is a biological trait one is born with, not a disorder. Through my years of being anxious and an "on and off" manic depressive, water has proven to be an ally--a free and constant baptism, or purification--against my troubled and often unstable mind. Every aspect of a long, hot shower--the feeling, smell, sound, serenity--is a quick and safer cure to my panic attacks than any dosage of Xanax could ever be. The dichotomy between cleansing and decaying, innocence and wrought with disorders are strong factors found within the ultimate reconciliation and rebirth found within this piece.
Dedicated to all the fighters and survivors of mental illness. You are loved and not alone. Special thanks to Ian Harmening for filming some difficult scenes, and to my mother for being my biggest champion.